TELFER: THE NATURE OF FRIENDSHIP

Many individuals would not disagree with Elizabeth Telfer in saying that friendships are among the most important components of a worthwhile life. But, her standard of friendship may be different than your own.

According to Telfer, a friendship must be comprised of three elements: shared activity, passion, and acknowledgement.

Shared Activity:

Shared activity includes reciprocal services, mutual contact, and joint pursuits. Reciprocal services means it is not enough to simply receive services from a person, but you must be willing to give services as well. Additionally, these services must be shared through mutual contact, such as talking together or exchanging messages between one other. And lastly, the joint activities that you do with your friend must be activities that you would be inclined to do apart from the friendship—such as certain leisure activities, work, or worship.

Passion:

Friends must be affectionate, meaning they must desire welfare and happiness for each other. You should feel pleasure during your friends’ success, pain during their misfortune, and anger toward any individual who hurts them. Additionally, friendships should not be formed out of loneliness, pity, or a sense of duty. Instead, they must have stemmed from a desire for each other’s company. Friends must want to hangout with each other, share hobbies, and feel sad when it is time to say good-bye. Also, it is not essential for you to think of your friend as a good person, or for him or her to think that of you. Being friends with a thoroughly bad person may not be morally permissible, but nevertheless a friendship with that person is still possible.

Acknowledgement:

Friends must acknowledge the fulfillment of the first two conditions. That is, the friends must be aware of their shared activities, have passion for the friendship, and overall must consent to the special relationship that they share.

She then makes the argument that in order to have a true friendship, you must have each of the three elements. Additionally to that, you must have all three elements at once. It can not be considered a friendship if any of the three elements is missing from the relationship at any time.

Thinking about the friends you have in your life, is this type of friendship possible? Do you have any friendships that simultaneously display all three elements? Or, is this definition of friendship too static?

Telfer, Elizabeth. "Friendship." Proceedings of the Aristotelian Society 71 (1970): 223-41. JSTOR. PDF.